Sunday, February 17, 2008

EMEcracy (Part 1: Manshoor)


The following series of articles is dedicated to Uzair for his great ideas and his strange belief that DE27 Electrical can be One!
The series consists of 4 parts: Manshoor, Tehriik and Kabiina (meri gintii kharaab nahii... aapki zindagi hii 4th part hai)...
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It has been felt that the college is need of reform and what better reform than to bring about a democratic, Student-Elected Dictatorship?

Never have the present day autocrats been so unpopular and their ratings so low! Change is felt and required. Our Commandant most generously has agreed to hold Free and Fair elections. To qualify for candidacy you must;
1) Not be an NS or a PC;

This sole criterion for candidacy reveals the open-mindedness with which our Commandant wants to hold these Free and Fair elections. Unfortunately - it is just a coincidence - there is only one party that is eligible: Commandant's party (intekhaabi nishaan: dandaa). Note how much confidence our GC baradari has in its Commandant. But, as this is a democratic (no satire) college, the full (though redundant) protocol would be followed as it is a part of college Policy.

In a democratic process, every party has a constitution which is taken out and typed afresh before each election. Our Commandant's party has a constitution as well (ironically these are 14 points)...

Salient features of the Commandant's Constitution
1) No student shall disagree with the constitution.
2) Health facilities will be upgraded i.e. no complaints shall be entertained.
3) All students shall be provided with an updated curriculum. (updated faculty members? yeah - in your dreams!).
4) It has been felt that students need respite after a tough semester. In light of the problem, no respite will be provided!
5) Toilet passes shall be made mandatory... abb pata chalay ga kon ganda bacha hai...
6) Each student will have monogram on their undies as well.
7) No student shall graduate without getting fined (a lot of times).
8) Good teachers shall rarely be provided.
9) So that we could contemplate helping students in harmony, each student shall be treated as a threat.
10) Students will listen! Students found not listening will be fined.
11) More staff will be hired... the staffas will speak in English to torment you with their grammar as some invigilators have already been doing inside the 'exam hall'...
12) College timings will be changed... they'd be changed to what is unbearable for most students.
13) Policies can be born almost instantaneously.
14) Written apologies will be entertained... to be successful, you just need to suck up!!

1 comment:

Uzair Sukhera said...

Sounds similar to some educational decree no. 420!
:D